Down To Earth

I went back home this weekend for a baby-shower, which I threw in honor of my best friend Casey. It was great to have everybody back in the area. We started talking about our 5th year class reunion and how we aren’t really sure if we want to go because it is going to be a keg on the farm with a bunch of farmers that stuck around town. I personally think it won’t be that bad if those that actually left come back so we might know where everyone is at in life. I know that I want to be a mother, I hope someday soon, but I will wait for everything to fall into place in its own time.



I went to church on Sunday. We had a visiting pastor, which means I stayed awake for the sermon. He talked about all the ways we describe Jesus: All Powerful, Almighty, All knowing, Emmanuel, Savior, Redeemer, Gracious, Mighty…and on and on. How many times do you hear that Jesus is a down to earth guy? The pastor went on to tell a story about a man that fell in to a hole, broke both his legs, and couldn’t get out. There was also a venomous snake in the hole with him ready to attack at any time. A man walked by this man was a Hindu man that leaned over the hole and told that man that he need to envision the hole as not being there and he would be free and walked on. A Buddhist walked by and told the man in the hole that he needs to let go of all desires including the desire to be set free from the hole and he would be free. Then the man continued on his way. The next man to walk by was a Muslim. He looked down at the hole and told the guy to face the city of Mecca and pray five times a day then Allah will set him free from the whole and when he was to get out of the whole he was to walk the journey to the city and pay his prayer of thanksgivings to Allah. The man continued on his way. A man who claimed to be studying Confucianism stopped by and looked down the whole and told the man if he would have been logical and thought about each step he would not have fallen in the hole to begin with and felt no pity for the man and walked on his way. The next man to walk by was Jesus. Without saying a word he jumped down into the hole and lifted the man out of the hole into the sunlight. In the process the snake bit him and he died. Pastor told us that was how we describe the name Jesus. A Savior. A man who came down to earth just to dig us out of sins and to take away the death we should have had. Jesus is our down to earth man.

The last few weeks I have been struggling in life, no lie. I think about the direction my life is to lead me and while I thought I had everything figured out everything took a right turn and led me into a brick wall. While I’m still loving my student teaching experience I question my next step. I’m not sure where I want to teach, what I want to teach…do I want to stay in Iowa, do I want to do special education. I know that I don’t need to worry about these things but I don’t want to end up on my own all alone teaching at a school living in a small town ALONE. I fear that I’m going to end up that old lady on the corner with lots of cats. And I don’t even like cats… Sad picture I know, but I feel a little lost right now. I planning a going out on Friday, maybe that is what the doctor ordered a sober night of dinner and dancing!
Tonight my prayer is for my heart that it can mend from all its brokenness, that it won’t give up on what it is to find or what it has all ready found and is waiting for.

Curve Ball

Life seems to throw curve balls when you least expect them. My life feels like it is in a dryer right now. I really thought things were working out for me that everything was fitting together like a puzzle should….but no I must have been dreaming because I sure got awoken suddenly. I like to dream…..
Student teaching is going well, I pray for my kids daily because I never know if they are going to be returning to school the next day and if they do what kind of moods they will be in.
I have learned being in education that you have to put on a mask…people expect you to be a certain way all the time…they expect you to be on top of everything, covering all the ground needed with a smile no matter what happened 3mins before they walked in the room or the two hours of sleep you got before teaching a reading lesson.
I feel like I walk through life like that…hiding behind a mask, not that I always mean to, but I fear wearing my heart on my sleeve because it might hurt others and show others how hurt I really am. Did you know that I get hurt, that I get scared…but I have learned to pray…and to take a stand “have some balls”
Grrrr. I have so much anger in me, I wish I had a punching bag. I don’t have anger against others…more with myself. Maybe I’m to hard on myself (I know that am)
That is all I have in me to write about, I’m off to bed.

Wow....

There is nothing like wearing shorts and a t-shirt in IOWA in January! I hope everybody enjoyed the beautiful weather God has given us the last few days. Wow.

just another day

I haven't had lot of time to write. I have been taking the time to work out after teaching all day and then going to bed early when not at church.
There is some unusual weather here in Iowa about 4pm it was 51degrees and it is January. My mouth is dropped open too. I don't tend to write to much here just because I have to keep a journal for student teaching which takes a lot of time out of my day. I have enjoyed my student teaching thus far, have been learning a lot, and have been gaining a lot of resources. I am learning to deal with a lot of issues that are within the school...fun stuff.

quote from last night's devo "school is like toilet paper long and useful."

Loved to be Loved

Today the thing that brighten my day was a little hello email note from a boy who misses me a lot (m.a.c). I miss all my kids from work, but this made my day. It is like walking into my first classroom the other day and they had all made me pictures. ( i don't start in that room until March) I love to get little notes in the mail or little sticky notes on my car just to say hello. it makes me feel all warm and cozy.
God Bless

Just another day....

I have now visited both of my classes and I’m so excited to start on Tuesday. I got to watch my nephew today...we took a nap together. I miss all of my kids very much and I want to call them and stop by to see them, but I know that I have to move on. I called up a superintendent today that I know very well for a recommendation, he wants me to teach in his district and I was calling so he can help me get into a different one….does that make me a bad person. I don’t want to be stuck in the small town where I grew up, 13 years in a district is long enough. I know some people have already started teaching, and while I’m in a hurry I felt is best to leave my place of employment when I did for a reason. So far this New Year has started out a little rocky; I pray that all gets better from here. I wrote in a card to send to a friend today that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, I hope I can cope with everything heading my way.

Oh side note and invite…dancing….tomorrow night…ames?

Something on my mind…what are traditions that you have with your family?

Unemployed

Unemployed: Not having a paying job.....student teaching as much work as it is going to be....doesn't pay the bills.

Wow, to be unemployed for the first time in 10 years….it feels kind of weird.
Yesterday was it….my boss didn’t schedule me to work on my last day (I would say it was an accident…but I know it wasn’t) I went any way….my kids mean the world to me and I was in tears for a good chunk of the day. The hardest was Matt (the tongue picture from previous post) he means so much to me and he has been distraught over this for weeks. And I wasn’t there Tuesday because my best friend Casey had a beautiful baby girl Kyra Payton born 1-3-06 at 9:18 7 lbs. 13 oz. and 19 ½ inches long. I drove down there as soon as I knew she was in labor. Matt was so sad all day because they started back to school yesterday and he had intended on spending the whole day with me. He made a gift just for me and not only was he crying in the hall and would let go of me…but his little brother and his dad even started to cry. That was the hardest good bye I have done in a long time and I am hoping to see him soon too….oh the tears.
After work a bunch of us went for a drink I had a “Kristy” and some nachos Mmmm. And everyone else was having a great time. I’m going to miss my kids and some of my co-workers. I’m off to go meet my kindergarten co-op teacher. Have a wonderful day!

Crack Pot

January 1st 2006

Let me start off saying Happy New Year!

Wow does it feel weird to write the 06. It is now about 2am an I was the police chief…but my star-crossed-lover Jodi died so I then jumped off the cliff and fell to my death as well…but not before finding out who one of the four mafia members were.
The fire tonight was just barely a spark….our sins must have been hard ones to get rid of cause they did not want to burn. We brought in the new year with a spark of a fire that was lit just with a piece of paper and some diesel fuel, Holy Communion with one another, and with a lot of hugs.

Before heading out to the Breezy Point Pastor O talked about how we are all crack pots. Yes you read that correctly we are crack pots….we have flaws (what were you thinking???hmmm). Back in the day in the markets the women would go out and buy their pots to cook with and the makers would use wax and melt over the cracks so that you wouldn’t know it when you bought it, but you would soon find out come some heat that the pot was no good and would often time explode. So some sale’s men would write a word similar to sincerely at the bottom of the pot. Sincerely you know the kind we write at the bottom of letters. Well it mean genuine or real. Which really fits in well with our topic about “Does God except Plastic?” Well with sincerely written on it they knew that they didn’t have crack that it was really the real deal. We are like that pot with a crack…