Opal

My great grandmother passed away the other day. Her funeral is tomorrow. My sister and I are the only ones in my family that are going. My father doesn’t think we should go, he himself isn’t going. You have to understand my grandfather died in 2001. I haven’t seen or heard from her since. I thought she was in MO, but I wasn’t sure where, or what health she was in. She went a little nuts, zany, insane you might say. There is a whole long story behind it, but I’m not going to dig all of that up. I will say I haven’t seen her since I kicked her out of my grandmothers house, she was upsetting her and me by accusations and what not, I asked her to leave and I never saw her again.
For 18 she was in my life, I visited her often and often spent the afternoons at her house when I was a young child. Even then she was never a woman to have emotion, she hardly spoke to make conversation, and when words did come out it was just to be a cynic. To put it in simple terms she was a bitter old woman, who never showed affection or love towards anyone. What is funny for the longest time I was ignorant as a child, I thought It would be amazing if I could have the same red hair color until I was her age too, then one day my dreams were crushed and I found out she dyed her hair. Man I thought I was going to get some good genetics!
My dad asked me why I was going, I told him to pay my respects, what little I have. I’m honestly more curious to be honest how her daughters children are and what they look like, I use to see them at least once a year maybe more while growing up. I haven’t seen them since my grandfather’s funeral and even then I’m not sure how much I remember of them. That was 8 years ago.
You see my great grandmother was 94 years of age and she has out lived her husband by over 25 years at least and she has out lived both her son and her daughter by almost a decade. I believe the death of her last child led her to insanity, but as far as I know she never pled guilty to that. I’m not understanding why she would cut ties all of her sons family who took care of her for so long to go live with her daughters family that never came to visit unless they wanted something in return on their quick visit.
I felt bad for the woman who lived through so much and couldn’t find joy in it. She missed two of her granddaughters weddings, and the birth of to great great grandbabies…..and for what?
So tomorrow I will go, greet people I do not know, shed a tear for memories of pain and resentment.